


Whiskers On Things Other Than Kittens

by Davidlynchschreibner



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Canon Trans Character, Trans Male Character, gender euphoria, just those good trans feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:15:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24649330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davidlynchschreibner/pseuds/Davidlynchschreibner
Summary: David finds self-confidence and affirmation in growing a beard. A small fic featuring thoughts on manhood, growth, and one very supportive boyfriend.
Relationships: Matteo Florenzi/David (Druck)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 80





	Whiskers On Things Other Than Kittens

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted this on Tumblr with no intention of putting it on AO3, but as I got a positive response over there I thought perhaps I should share it here for non-Tumblr readers. I recently found this buried in my computer files. It was written before it was apparent Lukas was growing a beard so was fed primarily by my own feelings about the joy some trans men experience if/when we can grow facial hair. Hope you enjoy!

As the summer of his first year of film school approaches, David is immensely enjoying the dark recent addition to his jawline. He’s waited so long for it to fill in fully from scattered whiskers to patches of hair to an uninterrupted band. After spending what seems an eon impatiently noting how much more he was shaving away as the months advanced now at last he can savor the fruit of his body’s labor. A beard makes him feel handsome, mature, and more settled in his body than before. In comparison to other major notes in the rising chord of his transition it is a low and quiet one, yet he feels the resonance in his bones. Like all else he has worked for this with every psychologist appointment and prick of the syringe. He can allow himself to wear it proudly. Every time he catches his reflection in a mirror or window he experiences a little flare of confidence that pushes his shoulders back and lifts the corners of his mouth. Facial hair does not a man make by any means but this feels like his inner self is growing outside the skin it’s been trapped in for so long. He can see the tangible evidence of his journey with all its strife and victories— and so can the rest of the world.

He’s not the only one who is pleased. Half the students in his film classes eye him appreciatively, charmed by the combination of sharpening features and warm energy. As he comes into himself his appeal increases accordingly. People have liked him in the past— even flirted with him at times— but he has never felt so positively noticed. After years spent compressed by his desire to not be seen he finds air fills his lungs more fully when his posture relaxes. The chitinous shell of the frightened boy he once was is fragmenting, peeling, and falling away to reveal a more fully realized young adult. Some of the girls turn a little giddy when he speaks to them and it is strange with newness but makes a flicker of pleasure spark inside him every time. Small validations fortify the foundations he is building to house him, making a place to live that he doesn’t have to run away from. He’s happy here. Matteo finds his developing reputation of resident ‘hot guy’ very entertaining and will tease him about his supposed powers of seduction (with occasional exaggerated displays of being effected) until David crowds into his boyfriend’s space and silences the annoying ribbing with kisses.

It’s rather hypocritical of Matteo to tease considering no one is as attracted to David as he. It’s of course not just the beard, as he was equally infatuated when David had gone through a period of being entirely clean shaven. But the increase in self-assurance this new look inspires does seem to drive Matteo to distraction on a regular basis. Sometimes David catches him staring openly with a hooded, enraptured expression and restless fingers. If they’re alone David will tilt his head and smirk until Matteo is so flustered he has to get his hands on his boyfriend. In public, Matteo restricts himself to draping his body over David like a heavy blanket and sneaking a kiss to the newly roughened point where a pulse thrums steadily. It is not new to be so tactile in their appreciation of each other, but there is a fever in Matteo’s cheeks that rises when he observes how his boyfriend begins to show himself more openly. They never did spiral into the slow disinterest of some established relationships and it seems that will not be happening anytime soon. Matteo thinks David is the hottest guy in the world and reminds him every day in myriad ways.

The first time David finds himself unconsciously stroking his chin while he edits footage he jerks to a stop and laughs incredulously at himself. It’s a ridiculously cliche thing to do and he feels acutely embarrassed afterward. But sometimes in a moment of absent-minded contemplation his hand makes its way up. He expects Matteo to mock him for looking pretentious the first time he’s caught, but surprisingly the other boy does not. His bemused expression softens into the familiar tender smile that says ‘I love you’ without parting lips. Then he returns to his game and never mentions it after. Indeed, he seems to find the beard just as enjoyable to touch. In the mornings, when Matteo is sleep-soft and resisting attempts to wake him, he strokes the scratchy strands framing David’s jaw with his fingertips. Sometimes he’ll rub his cheek against the texture, affectionate and possessive as a cat. David huffs in exasperation at first but soon it becomes just another weird but endearing thing Matteo does. He never can find it in himself to reject any form of affection the other boy gives him be it a hug or a kick. Eventually he likes it so much that he wonders if he will ever decide to be bare-faced again.

One night they are lying tangled together beneath the quiet observation of the moon and David breaks the long silence to ask if Matteo likes him better with the beard. The words are drawled nonchalantly but the brittleness that dysphoria makes of his ego creaks in the undertone. He doesn’t need this sort of reassurance often, less and less as time goes on, but may always find occasions for it. The conflict between wanting to be seen this way and the worry that he lacks without makes a sharp cramp of overexertion seize in his chest. Matteo lifts his head from where it has been resting beside David’s and gazes with all the patient understanding people often don’t expect he possesses. The two of them know every dip and swell of each other’s voices now and nothing is hidden when something is not spoken. Matteo responds with quiet certainty, ‘You like you better.’ David waits, knowing instinctively that Matteo is taking time to find his words. ‘I like you most being happy however you want to be.’ Then he smiles and burrows into David’s shoulder, making stupid little grunting sounds like he’s trying to wrestle a pillow into shape. David swallows against the knot of emotion in his throat.

‘Being a man’ is a bewilderingly intricate definition unique to each person. It is not a list or a diagnosis or a quiz with an answer key. David has tried many times to articulate its broad strokes and nuances to professionals and peers alike, yet found it cannot be confined to succinct sentences. He can collect as many indicators as there are days in a year but all told it is simply that he knows he is. It only increases in complexity because he is still discovering what it means to him. No part of his body will ever make him more or less who and what he is. But there are things he grasps and holds close as affirmations. He likes expressions commonly understood as masculine and needs without negotiation to alter the shape beneath his shirts. His facial hair doesn’t make him more a man, nor a person of more worth or quality. But he feels the power of reclaiming what his first puberty tried to take away from him whenever he grooms the borders of his beard. The person reflected back at him in the mirror looks more like he feels inside. And he’s starting to really like that guy.


End file.
